The Gassy Gnoll: Lives Matter

The Gassy Gnoll is aware of certain social media campaigns announcing that #GoblinLivesMatter and has two words for those folks: I agree.

For too long we’ve been wandering into ruins, caves, and dungeons not thinking anything is wrong with playing #MurderHobos and slaughtering tribe after tribe of goblins. Really even we gnolls are involved in the carnage, occasionally waltzing into established realms and taking over as the biggest thing in the food chain. But it doesn’t stop there.

Kobolds and troglodytes matter too. Bugbears and hobgoblins. Lizardfolk and minotaurs. Even all those darn werecritters, though they seem to spread their lycanthropy without thinking about its lasting impact on the world, so they should take it down a notch.

What about orcs? Well, #OrcLivesMatter too I suppose. As do all the other intelligent humanoid species currently wandering the world.

There is one group that I have to call out.. those #UndeadLivesMatter people, who are simply out of their minds.

First of all, they’re not “alive” any more – they’re dead. I know several necromancers who have been debating the whole “life vs. unlife” state for centuries like it really means something. If you’re dead, you’ve pretty much given up your rights as a living entity and should stay dead. We’ll start a new hashtag soon – #LichesBeBitches – and see if those freaky wizards and clerics with their phylacteries decide to fight for their rights to exist.

Ultimately we can just simplify the message a bit. #LivesMatter.

Those cultists currently occupying that old temple outside town? They should be free to worship whatever malevolent entity they wish, so long as it doesn’t impact the rest of us directly. If that happens, we might have to call the guards or recruit some adventurers to show them the error of their ways.

Those dark elves, dwarves, and gnomes who are living in the dark deep beneath the ground? Yeah, same applies to them.

If we’re smart and tolerant, we can all get along in our corners of the realms. If we have disputes, let’s deal with them like civilized creatures. I mean really – cast Comprehend Languages and let’s chat.

So remember… #LivesMatter. Everybody in all the realms should have a shot at happiness if they have a pulse. It’s as simple as that.

Gassy out.

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